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[alt_regulus]

It's dark as pitch

behind you, the bright one

there, low in the south, with the Lyrids shooting

like hexes towards you, past you

   there: one

       another

 

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[alt_regulus]

Right.

Nice chatting, then.

G'night.

[alt_sirius]

Oi, you started off wanting to talk. So? Talk to me.

I've been waiting all this time.

Just

She's right, you know. It's important to know whose opinions matter.

Trouble is sometimes the ones who matter aren't the ones you want to care about, but you do, nevertheless.

It's not as easy as saying you're done.

[alt_regulus]

It's not as easy as saying you're done. Too right, there.

Oh, I don't know, Sirius. I just don't.


The trouble is some opinions trump all.

[alt_sirius]

It's thinking like that that made me leave. Made me need to leave.

You've just changed one tyrant for another. It's the same trap.

And do you really think escaping was equal to not standing up?

[alt_regulus]

Home wasn't a trap. And he was strict, but not a tyrant. He just thought what he thought, and you had to fight him, but for what? A bike and some notions about making things 'fair' by giving up everything we had?

I don't know.

I don't.

[alt_sirius]

Not to you, maybe. Things changed once they thought you were their only hope. Didn't need me anymore, did they?

And it wasn't about giving up everything. It's about

Being decent to people. Isn't that what you meant when you said your friend thinks about people?

Look what his way creates - horrid little hags like the one you were discussing. That's your future down the road.

Is that really what you want?

[alt_regulus]

You left them. What were they supposed to do? You made it clear you didn't need us.

It's different now than it was. That's

true

but what you wanted wasn't right any more than

it would have gone wrong even faster
 
 
 
 
 
 
No. I don't want that. All right? I don't.

[alt_sirius]

Once again, we remember it differently. I'm not surprised.

And you don't know if it would have gone wrong, but that's

That doesn't matter now.


I mean


look what he's done to you, for

I do believe you, Reg. That it's gone wrong for you and you know it.

I'm just not sure you


The trap wasn't home, or Father's strictness, or even Mother and her spiderwebs of guilt and whatever else. It was in thinking theirs were the only opinions that mattered - their philosophy the only one that worked.

[alt_regulus]

Who knows if it worked or not? If it would have. It's not what it

This isn't

 
 
 
Mordred.

It's not as if He doesn't know I think it, anyway, but I can't

[alt_sirius]

Oh, for mercy's sake, Reg! You're a WIZARD, not a damn MOUSE.


Sorry.

I told myself I wouldn't


Look, I know it's scary, right? But you have to believe there can be another option.

[alt_regulus]

I can't fight you tonight.

I just

can't

[alt_regulus]

And trust me. It wasn't a party being their only after you left.

They changed then. Got harder. Father went bitter, Mother sour.

It's good he's gone.

I wonder sometimes if she knows that, too.

[alt_sirius]

It wasn't easy for me, either. But I know now that it saved me.

You could have followed, you know.

you still can

[alt_regulus]

I didn't have your reasons to go. Not that you asked me along. But I wanted to be Father's second.

Now look who's stating the obvious. Sorry. It's just

I wanted

I'm not good at this, you know? Finding words for all this rubbish. I wanted our family--you and them and what we should have been if you just hadn't hated it so much all along or if Mother hadn't

and I know it was never what it should have been, and that's why you didn't love us

love

I don't know

with you, you know, there were times when none of the rest mattered at all? Mother could turn away and Father could thunder and it didn't matter because we were together for it all

but afterwards

I'm sorry, I just, I don't know what to say now to you

that I'm not you? and I couldn't do it like you would, like you did?

[alt_sirius]

I didn't think you'd have wanted

Besides, you always followed. Everywhere except Gryffindor.

I thought

I dunno, I guess I thought if I paved the way

No, that's not true. Not exactly. I thought you were on their side. And if you weren't, that you'd change too.

But as for the rest? Merlin, Reg. I've been drunk for about sixteen hours and I'm not drunk enough for that conversation.

[alt_regulus]

I was serious when I said Father would be disappointed.


But not only with us.

[alt_sirius]

No, Father wouldn't be proud of what you've become. I know that. He and I may have disagreed about ... well, everything, more or less, but he'd have hated the way your 'master' makes you show your loyalty.

That's the real irony for you, Reg. You're better than that. He's twisting you into something I don't even recognise.

And I know it's partly to hurt me. Well, surprise - it works.

[alt_regulus]

Well, obviously.

And again. Do you think I don't know? Really?

I'm sorry, you know. About that, too. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Do you need me to say it for it to be real?

[alt_sirius]

Yeah, I know. How many times d'you think I've picked up my quill only to stop myself and wait until it was really necessary?

Not that it mattered much. Not if what I think you were doing last is what you were doing.


And no, I guess I don't need to see it on the page, or hear it spoken. But maybe you do.

[alt_regulus]

Don't tell me what you think. Really, don't.

Just let this be enough.