I'm so tired. And nothing seems to fit like it used to. It's like I'm speaking a different language all the time, and it feels like ash in my mouth.
It was so very stupid of me to think that things could be like school only better. Or like Grimmauld, only ours. People grow up. People fall in love with other people who aren't me, and choose each other first every time. People don't need me as much as they used to, even though I need them more than ever, and getting angry about it just makes it all my fault and makes them more likely to leave.
I want to curl up in a giant pile with People and forget about the world for a while. And not worry about being a successful loser or what I've just been asked to do for this sodding challenge or whether we'll be alive next year or whether I'm ever going to be good enough or useful enough or trustworthy enough
It's such a bloody mess.
And the thing about being in like instead of love is that if you go through a rough patch, well, it's not like you can trust they'd want to be around for the messy bits. Or want to see who you really are.
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branchandroot
ORDER ONLY: Private Message to Regulus
Date: 2014-04-24 03:27 am (UTC)I'm so tired. And nothing seems to fit like it used to. It's like I'm speaking a different language all the time, and it feels like ash in my mouth.
It was so very stupid of me to think that things could be like school only better. Or like Grimmauld, only ours. People grow up. People fall in love with other people who aren't me, and choose each other first every time. People don't need me as much as they used to, even though I need them more than ever, and getting angry about it just makes it all my fault and makes them more likely to leave.
I want to curl up in a giant pile with People and forget about the world for a while. And not worry about being a successful loser or what I've just been asked to do for this sodding challenge or whether we'll be alive next year or whether I'm ever going to be good enough or useful enough or trustworthy enough
It's such a bloody mess.
And the thing about being in like instead of love is that if you go through a rough patch, well, it's not like you can trust they'd want to be around for the messy bits. Or want to see who you really are.
I hate everything.
I miss you.