Didn't realise you spoke Africaans. It fits, too. And actually suggests I've got several others wrong... you may have hit it, brother.

Ah. The article mentions you as an evil mastermind behind some sea smuggling attempt up the mouth of the Irish Sea and another in Cornwall. Of course, your meant to be behind nearly every unsolved crime in this country. Probably you're the one leaving bodies about without their fingers and hands, though I don't think they've suggested you yet. You have a fetish for signet rings, then?

I read every word of every daily. Cereal packets, too. And adverts in shop windows. I'm a bit of a reader. S'pose you didn't know that, either.

That's a tricky one you've got for me. P'raps it means I'm supposed to spend more time strolling in the rain and chatting up young mums and shopkeeps. Certainly, it's little good just watching out my window. I had thought I might start riding the knight bus back and forth wherever it goes and chatting up the clientele, but at the moment it seems I'm meant to stick close to this little corner of the world and dig into all its grubby, insignificant secrets.

You did always seem inclined to be hasty. Rash, some have called it.